Brexit: Farage Gets Busy Smacking Bitichez About

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After the dust had settled on the Brexit result, UKiP leader and architect behind the campaign for Britain to Leave the E.U., Nigel Farage, wasted no time in setting about smacking around a list of people who had ‘had it coming’.

On Sunday he let Canadian Pool Boy President, Justin Trudeau have it for actively supporting the Remain campaign.

“I mean I’d love the Canadian Prime Minister to tell you guys that you’ve decided to make NAFTA a political union, and that you are going to transfer all Ottawa’s authority to someone else, that you are going to have foreign courts overruling you,” he said. “How long would you last? A day? A week? And yet that’s what the Canadian Prime Minister was effectively recommending to us. I wonder sometimes whether foreign leaders genuinely understand what the European Union is.” Read Full Story

Then he let Barrack Obama have both barrels for his invasive meddling in trying to persuade Britons to ‘Remain.’ Which even saw an Op-Ed piece by Obama in the Daily Telegraph. Read More 

“Well ultimately let me say this, Vladimir Putin behaved in a more statesmanlike manner than President Obama did in this referendum campaign. Obama came to Britain and I think behaved disgracefully, telling us we’d be at the back of the queue. Treating us, America’s strongest, oldest ally, in this extraordinary way. Vladimir Putin maintained his silence throughout the whole campaign.”

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But Farage was far from done. On Monday morning he caught an early flight to Brussels and set about smacking around the entire E.U parliament to boos and jeers from the members, and to the seething fury of Jean-Claude Junker. Full Speech

He then later that day finished off the perfect week by smacking around the queen bitch, Hillary Clinton by declaring:  “There is nothing on earth that could ever persuade me to vote for Hillary Clinton.”

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Simply put, in a political world full of grocery clerks and errand boys, on current form Nigel Farage should be running the country.

 

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Nicola Goes A Courting

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After her husband decided to leave his secure job to pursue a dream, Scottish First Minister, Nicola Sturgeon arrives in Brussels looking for a new husband to support her lavish spending habits. Read More

Top of her list is a a generous E.U. Commissioner with deep pockets to cover her 15 billion pound credit card bill. Read More

After the Brexit vote, Nicola dusted off her best frock and headed straight for Brussels, trying to mask the scent of desperation with plenty of perfume and a plunging neckline.

Brussels is currently awash with wealthy E.U. commissioners and presidents looking for somewhere to park 90,000 migrants a year, and a lady in financial need will be a  tempting proposition.

The Dry Shave Show #63: In All Thy Brats’ Command

Time for another episode of everyone’s favorite political comedy podcast, The Dry Shave Show!

Hosted by Byron Bertram, our very own Ivan Penaluna, and news girl Pyra Draculea.

This week: In All Thy Brats’ Command

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Byron, Pyra, and Ivan discuss Trudeau’s push to make the Canadian national anthem more inclusive, the secret conspiracy behind skinny jeans, major English poets being too damn English, and Byron’s lost opportunity from high school.

Plus: Byron’s inner Italian dude emerges, bestiality is now legal in Canada, and Sadiq Khan bans sexy ads in London.

Listen here: http://dryshave.podbean.com/e/ep63-in-all-thy-brats-command/

You can also subscribe on iTunes.

Brexit: The Progressive Logic of Pooh

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“How did you vote?” Asked Pooh.

“I voted Leave” said Piglet.

“You’re a racist and a xenophobe” said Pooh.

“Why do you say that?” Asked Piglet.

“Because only small minded xenophobes and racists voted Leave.” Said Pooh.

“Labelling people and slur slinging is what progressive wood animals do instead of arguments.” Said Piglet.

“That sounds like racist talk to me.” Said Pooh. “Didn’t you vote Leave because you don’t like Heffalumps?”

“No, I only have a problem with the Heffalumps who want to blow up the woods. I did it because I want to be able to remove the animals in charge of the woods if they do things I don’t like, that’s what the wood was built on.” Replied Piglet.

“Being able to remove the animals in charge is over-rated Piglet. It’s much better to permanently hand control of the woods over to an elite with a vision of the ideal wood.” Said Pooh.

“Where did you hear that?” Asked Piglet.

George Soros told me in the Guardian.” Replied Pooh.

“I think that’s called a politburo.” Said Piglet.

“A what?” Asked Pooh.

“A dictatorship” Replied Piglet. “I seem to remember reading a book set in a farmyard about that… Hang on a minute Pooh, weren’t you the one arguing against Globalization of the woods 10 years ago? Why are you all for a Superwood now?”

“Being part of the Superwood means that we can swap thing with other woods and we can go on holiday. All the  young animals think it’s a great idea.” Said Pooh

“Young animals are not known for great ideas Pooh, they like shiny things that move quickly and flash on and off.” Said Piglet. “Anyway, the Superwood is in trouble Pooh. It’s all a mess. Some woods collect lots of twigs and others don’t. Christopher Robin has been studying woods at school, and he thinks that the Superwood is just one big storm away from all the trees falling down. I think it’s best if we leave before the big storm, and look after our wood. And then we can swap bundles of twigs and branches with who we like.”

“Only a fascist would think like that.” Said Pooh.

“You’re probably right Pooh.” Said Piglet. “But we’re still friends right? Wanna go for a beer?”

“Fuck off Piglet, I don’t drink with racist scum!” Said Pooh.

One Foot In The Grave

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It has been reported that Labour leader, Jeremy Corbyn fell asleep watching tv a week over a ago and only awoke Friday morning to discover that Britons had voted to leave the European Union.

Corbyn had been expected to lead the Remain campaign in the lead up to Thursday’s vote, but couldn’t be bothered due to only being 75% committed himself to continued E.U. membership, and fell asleep whilst watching Escape to the Country.  Read More

Staff didn’t notice him missing until the day of the referendum, and the first attempts to contact him failed, as his pay-as-go phone hadn’t been topped up by his son during his weekly visit to drop off itchy blankets.

The Labour leader is being held responsible for the victory of the Leave campaign after not turning up and engaging with abandoned Labour voters in the biggest decision British voters have made in the last 40 years.